As with any relationship, you might experience some “ups and downs” with the people at work. When a dispute comes up, it’s very important that you end up resolving it the correct way and avoid sabotaging the work relationship you have spent time building. A great tool to use when you need to resolve a dispute is use “Feel/Felt/Found.”

Here is how “Feel/Felt/Found” works.

Feel

Acknowledge the person’s feelings. Let them know that their feelings are important to you and legitimate.

Felt

Explain a situation where you felt the same way. Give an example of when you felt the exact same way they are feeling now.

Found

Explain what you do to address the feelings you have turned that painful experience into a pleasurable (or at least bearable) one.

Let look at an example:

Billy: “I just spent hours coming up with this $3M estimate and now you tell me that the client only has $1.5M. Thanks for wasting my time, jerk.”

You: “Billy, I can see why you feel like your valuable time was wasted. I’ve often felt like the client is wasting my time when they call up with new information that changes my whole proposal. What I’ve foundis that when a client tells me their budget, we’re probably a shoe in for the job. And I think that makes me feel like at least part of my time was spent on a worthy cause.”